Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
