let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
