they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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