She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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