yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
not ubering you a puppy
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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