And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
