My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
