Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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