I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
