Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
