I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
