Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
