One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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