Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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