she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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