I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
