Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
