wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
