I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
