Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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