Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
