there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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