Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I want her autograph on my taint
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize