I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
