Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
