I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
