Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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