My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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