WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
