Well apparently he's into motor boating.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
