Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
