I don't think brook has ever known best
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
