He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
