dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
