Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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