Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
