haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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