I think I won the penis lottery.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We need to get me chipped asap
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
