I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
