Porn is love you can see.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
40s are totally the cure
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
