When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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