How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
someone owes me an orgasm
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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