Buhtt sex?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
