hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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