I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I got inside last night via doggy door
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
