I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
