home. puking in laundry basket.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
