i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
