One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
