I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
