Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
