My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
