There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
