go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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