I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
