More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
