Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
