Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Even my vagina gasped.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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