God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
