we made out on top of his cat.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There's always time for handjobs
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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