dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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