It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
