he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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