i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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